jpierrepontcriss:

my mom was pulling into a parking space today and she asked “am i relatively straight?” and i said “i think that’s something you need to decide for yourself” and she told me to walk home

So there’s only one channel in this motel,

robbidybobbin:

madeofmetals:

This morning while I was getting ready I was watching Sesame Street.

They were doing this bit where some clown was trying to wash his hands but kept washing his feet or his elbows and Elmo would go, “no mister noodle, your HANDS!” and all the tv kids would laugh.

Around the fourth or fifth time he couldn’t find his hands, I heard a grown man yell from somewhere else in the motel, “GODDAMMIT, MR. NOODLE.”

LITERALLY MY FAVORITE STORY ON ALL OF TUMBLR.

(Source: handaxe)

band-nonsense:

tessaviolet:

peachofcake:

tessaviolet:

i’m tupac on the inside.

tupac is dead.

exactly.

well this is more emotional than expected